What are the roots of anger? How to control anger?
“When you stop taking it too seriously, even anger becomes a passing cloud, not a storm.”
– Ashutosh K Mishra
Why do we get angry? Have you ever wondered where that fiery reaction comes from? At its core, anger is simple: you wanted something or you expected something, and someone stood in your way. Your energy was moving toward a goal, and then—bam!—blocked. That blocked energy becomes frustration, and frustration becomes anger. But here’s the thing – you don’t need to fight anger or even control it. Instead, understand it.
Our first mistake is taking desires too seriously. When you want something so badly, as if it’s a matter of life or death, anger lurks just around the corner when things don’t go your way. So, what’s the solution? It’s not to kill your desires. Repression won’t work because it only bottles up the energy, making it explode later. The answer lies in how you handle those desires. Approach them playfully.
Desire is natural. Wanting things is part of life. But what if, instead of clinging to the outcome, you could say, “If it works out, great! If not, there’s always another time.” See your desires as a game, something you play with curiosity rather than desperation. By lightening your grip on outcomes, you loosen the hold anger has on you. You aren’t tied to success or failure, and anger loses its roots in your heart.
Think about it: anger only comes when you are deeply attached to the result. When someone or something stops you, that attachment burns you from the inside. You react in the heat of the moment, often leading to regret. The intensity of your anger is directly tied to the intensity of your desire. The bigger the desire, the greater the frustration, and the stronger the anger. It’s a cycle, but you can break it by loosening your hold on the results.
Makes sense? Awesome!
Now, let’s consider a different perspective – playfulness. Life isn’t as serious as we make it out to be. What if we approached situations with a sense of humor? The very things that anger us could become opportunities to laugh at ourselves. The irony is, when we stop taking ourselves and our desires so seriously, life becomes lighter. Imagine facing situations that used to make you furious and instead of reacting, you chuckle at how trivial they are in the grand scheme of things.
And that’s the shift we need to make. When you stop attaching so much importance to your desires, you realize that anger has no real foundation. The moment you stop taking life’s roadblocks personally, anger loses its grip on you. And in that space where anger once was, something beautiful happens. The energy that would have fueled anger turns into compassion, understanding, and peace.
You with me? Brilliant!
So, next time anger bubbles up, don’t fight it. Don’t get entangled in it. Instead, step back. Watch it with curiosity. Is it really as big as it seems? Or is it just your desire making it look bigger? When you stop being so serious, anger doesn’t stand a chance. You’re left with pure energy, and that energy is delight. Use it to play the game of life, lightly, without the weight of expectations.
Remember, don’t fight with your habits, just understand them. – Ashutosh Mishra